Am I killing time or is time killing me?

I’d hate to admit it, but I’ve got nothing positive to report right now. I am struggling with my site, counterpart, and basically any interpersonal situation I find myself in.

Teaching is going OK, I suppose. I have a handful of students in every class who are motivated, but the numbers who are not are much higher. I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve had any day that really makes me want to come back for more so to speak. I enjoy teaching, and I think I am good at it, but don’t always feel like I have much of an impact. I only teach each class 2 times a week, and the schedule is terrible. I have one class on Monday and Friday, a different class meets Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning, and a third class meets on Thursdays and Fridays. I’d love for someone to explain the reasoning of the schedule to me.
Working with my counterpart is not fulfilling. Most of the time she sticks to whatever is in the text, but then admits the text is horrible. I try to go around the text as much as possible. It is also difficult because the school hasn’t given me copies of the book when I ask, making planning close to impossible. This week we were doing directions and she said to the class “New York City is in the Northwest of the US” then I heard the whole class repeat “Northwest” in chorus, it made me cringe. I didn’t know what to do, call her out in front of the class and embarrass her or let it slide.
Most of my classes had tests last week, and watching it was painful. The students talk to each other, get out of their seats, and look off of each others papers. When I asked Akmaral if that was acceptable to be doing that she replied "Well it's not their language". I told her I thought it devalued the testing system and didn't at all prove the students knowledge, but she said "Our school system is different", in what is arguably the biggest understatement I've ever heard. It's terribly unrewarding to teach people for a month, and then see that happen to your hard work. The real shame in it is, its a prime example of the school system just pushing the students through instead of teaching them. Those students will go to 10th grade next year, having taken 5 years of English and won't be able to say "Yesterday was Sunday", when I ask them what day was it yesterday. When those students try to pass an exam to get into University they wont be able to cheat and wont get in, even though they were educated in a private school.
One teacher in particular at my school is under the impression that my being in the school means I should be her private English tutor 4 days a week. I made 2 after school English clubs one for 7th and 8th graders and one for 9th, 10th, and 11th graders and she kept pushing me to let her go to the club. I told her no. The clubs are for the students, they are where I try to actually build relationships with the students, and also where I let my hair down much more, having another teacher there is not what the club needs. I am making an adult club in January but that wasn’t enough. She kept saying “just one time” and being incredibly pushy, teaching her English is not how I would like to spend 5-6 hours a week, as it will only impact one person. The part that is frustrating is even though a handful of people here do speak English, they do not speak very well. Trying to reason is impossible, if they hear the word yes, followed by a condition, they will only understand yes.
For the most part I feel like the staff at the school is more concerned about the shoes I have on, or what I am eating for lunch than the quality of my lessons or teaching ability. I feel like more people are concerned with babysitting me than making sure anyone is getting anything from me or I am getting anything by being here.
My host family has 7 members and they are busy, usually I feel like I am just in the way. I sit in the guest house alone for most of the day. From Friday after school to Monday morning, I don’t leave the house. My family seldom has guests and never goes out to visit anyone else, so I don’t get invited to many social occasions. Also, because there is no employment in my town, there are no mid 20’s people to spend anytime with. The overwhelming majority of my town is either 14 and under or 45 and older.
I have no friends in my town and no one to spend time with. I make visuals for school, play guitar, and read. The lack of socialization has been the most difficult part. I miss my friends, family, and having any aspect of an enjoyable personal life. I had envisioned a town with a library, maybe a museum, and some kind of recreational area, but my town has nothing. There are 4 stores, 2 bars, a pharmacy, and a few schools.
I can’t convince myself that being here is “good for me” or in anyway how I should spend what little time I have on Earth. I think Peace Corps has an attitude of you should just “deal with anything”. I realize that currently there’s nothing PC can do either. They are not going to build me a gym, or displace a population of mid 20’s with educations to live in my town, or build a museum either, so I have to sit here. But, I do wish they would have considered one's enjoyment before placing a volunteer here.
I have a difficult time relating to people from home when they ask me “Can’t you go out to eat?” or “Can’t you go for a run?”. The answer to those questions is no. I went nearly 2 weeks without showering here (a whole different story of my host family’s inability), I can’t work out.
What I seem to do the most is sit here and beat myself up about not being home with people who I love, and why I can’t seem to enjoy what everyone else does. I read things people put on face book about their dogs, or what their doing for Christmas, or the Eagles game, and it kills me. I’d hate to sound so damned miserable or nihilistic, but I just don’t see the point in doing this. Anyway, I should probably not post this on the internet any further for now.



“The world keeps ending, but new people too dumb to know it keep showing up as if the fun has just started”
-John Updike

every time you think you're talking you're just moving your mouth

If any post is likely to get me in trouble with PC, it’s this one. I’ve been sick the past few days and told to stay at home until next Monday. When I was going to the school earlier this week, as many as half the kids were absent anyway; it seems everyone is sick in my town right now.
Free time is something that I’ve had an awful lot of since coming to my site, but the past few days have been an inordinate amount of free time. Having nothing to do does not make the days go by any faster, make me feel very useful, and gives me entirely too much time to ask myself what the hell I’m doing.
I find myself getting more and more frustrated with situations in my village and the culture. Yesterday I was buying apple juice at a shop, the bottle had a price tag on it saying 280 tenge, but when I tried to buy it the woman tried charging me 350 instead. When I asked her why did the price increase she said “because of the bottle”. I was so pissed off I had to walk out of the store. Today, at a different store after buying a bottle of apple juice, a woman gave me matches for change! I don’t want matches, I want my change. I wanted to throw the bottle back over the counter, get my money back, and then get a Twix bar for free, I was irate. I couldn’t believe it.
Another part of my experience so far that is frustrating is the fact that everyone at my school insists on speaking Kazakh to me, when they know I can understand Russian. This annoys me mostly because I've already spent a lot of time learning Russian, and because they can all speak Russian ! By them choosing to only speak to me in Kazakh they are choosing their pride over communicating with me, in my opinion. I think communication is important to do a job well, I feel like they should be more concerned with speaking with me rather than what language it's done in. I should also thank PC for sending me to an all Kazakh village when they knew I studied Russian in PST.
I am approaching my 100th day in Kazakhstan, and at this point feel comfortable enough to make generalizations about the culture that bother me. First, let me say the people are incredibly friendly here, they always say “Hello” and “How are you?” to me. They are hospitable, and I think they like me, and are glad I am here. That being said, I have rarely experienced someone here being kind or helpful. I was locked out of my class room at the school last week, and at least 4 teachers passed me and said “It’s locked”. Obviously, I knew that. When I asked who might be able to unlock it or who had the key, conveniently enough no one knew. I tried imagining if I were teaching in the States and had a Russian guy teaching at our school and he was obviously in need of a hand, what I would do, and know that it wouldn’t look like that.
Maybe the problem is me and my perception of things, and maybe I’m the one who does not understand some aspects of the culture that I should. I knew there were aspects of the culture I would have to learn to accept, but I thought that would be more work related.
That is a picture of the map of the world in my class room. Some days I look at it and want to laugh, other times I want to cry. According to that map, Kazakhstan is the only country in Asia, there is no such thing as Europe, and Belize, Mexico, Panama, Nicaragua, Guatemala, and Honduras are part of the US.

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving, and one thing I don't miss about America is black Friday.


Love
Nick


"We artists are indestructible, even in a prison cell or a concentration camp I would be almighty in my own world of art. Even if I had to paint pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell"
Pablo Picasso

If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do……..

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young’s Déjà vu is one of the best records of all time.

I find myself usually apologizing at some point in every blog post, but this time I am sorry for not having posted sooner, my family’s internet has been done for over a week. My school has internet, which I have used a few times, but what usually happens is I wait for half an hour while another teacher uses Instant Messenger to probably talk to someone who lives in the same town, then I get on line for about 5 minutes and at least one or two teachers end up crowding around me while I am on the computer, and ask me everything I am looking up, and watch me write emails. It makes me uncomfortable. Respecting one’s personal space isn’t exactly the same in America as it is in Kazakhstan. (Don’t Touch Me!!). Anyway, I realize this could be something I just have to get accustomed to. I think the list of those things is only going to grow for the time being. I’ve gotten my teaching schedule and will be teaching grades 5th through 10th (schools here only go to 11th grade).
Now that I am settling in a little more, and getting more used to the situation I am in, and realizing that things take TIME, I am beginning to feel a little better. This past week has been really difficult because I am still “observing” Akmaral teach lessons, I have lost my wallet, my school will not give my copies of the textbooks, and even the absolute BEST English speakers I have access to still don’t understand what I am saying most of the time.
Still observing Akmaral teach is difficult, because I see openings that I could have and more or less have to sit there, and watch them close. Things are basically spoon fed to the students, and often directly translated for them. The majority of even the upper level English classes are taught in Kazakh. This is something I plan on changing when given the opportunity, but for now have to learn to deal with.
Not having a wallet is scarier from the lack of “emergency” money standpoint than I am afraid of people using my credit cards (I have never seen anyone pay for anything with a credit card here). The thing that is scary is now the only money I have access to is about $300 cash I keep in my house. I have not lost my Peace Corps debit card, so I will still be able to get my living allowances, but that is all. It’s not a disaster, and I am over the initial feeling of loss.
Not having someone to communicate with in my community has been really difficult. My counterpart and some of the other teachers speak English fairly well, but there are still a ton of concepts I can not explain to anyone. Obviously it goes both ways, I should know their languages better too. The other thing that is difficult about my town, is there is very little to do/look forward to doing. On weekends I basically read, watch movies on my computer, and play guitar. There are no museums, sights, or really anything cultural for me to look forward to or experience on the weekends, which is frustrating. The situations which frustrate me are basically endless, but I am trying to shake them off.
Apparently in my school there is a thing called “duty”, basically where each teacher is a hall safety for some period of time throughout the week. On my first real day of school one of the assistant principles decided that my day should be Fridays from 3:00 until 6:30, (my last class ends at 12:30 Fridays, so this struck me as total tripe). As it was explained to me by Akmaral, my job was to stand out in the hallway between bells from 3-6 and make sure the students behaved, which I did. Apparently though, there was more to that, which I did not know. Later in the day, the same assistant principle came to me visibly mad with a notebook.
She then talked to me in incredibly fast Russian and tried to make me look like a jackass in front of the students, other teachers, and janitors, by pretending to kick plans on our stairwell, and keeping asking me “Ponul?” (Understood? in Russian). Not knowing a better thing to do I began to speak to her in English as fast as I possibly could (even though she speaks no English) to emphasize a point. Later, when I cooled down I laughed that I replied to her in English.

After being frustrated I called Peace Corps, and guess what my school is no longer going to ask me to do on Friday evenings…..thank you for confusing the words “Volunteer” and “Slave”, school.

At first I was reluctant about that situation and getting PC involved, but it was the right thing to do. I don’t want my school to think anytime something doesn’t go my way I will call PC, but I do want them to realize that there are things I am there to do and a lot of things I am not there to do. It was good to put my foot down and will prevent me from being walked on in the future. I am more than willing to have an after school club or something beneficial to the students at that time on Fridays, but I’m not going to watch their hallways because someone else wants Friday evenings off.
Saturday I was invited to a teacher’s son’s wedding. I was pretty excited because I had never been to a Kazakh wedding (or really even that many American weddings). It an experience and definitely the type of moment that makes me realize where I am once again. The evening had a mix of Kazakh traditions where the bride is brought in the room with her face covered and people sing to her, give her money, and pick her up and put her down a few times. At one point a 60 year old Kazakh woman said to me “I love you.” I didn’t know how to react; I think it is probably one of 3 English phrases she knows.
After the eating, each table is called up to a microphone to wish the newly married couple well. Each person from every table is expected to say something. When my table was called I saw a slight grin on each of the 200 people’s faces in the room. I even heard the Emcee say something like ‘Oh, this is the table with the American.” I knew this was my time to do something. As expected, I was passed the microphone last of anyone seated at my table. Once in hand I said the name of the bride and groom paused for a second or two for effect and said “Be Happy” in Kazakh. I have never heard more people go crazy for someone only saying 4 words. The wedding was very nice, I couldn’t help but feeling happy for these people, even though I had never met them. I was thankful for being invited to their wedding, and excited for all the hopefully great things they will get to do together in their lifetimes. On the other hand, I was regretful that Abby is on the other side of the world while I do this, and honestly….I want to have our wedding soon, so watching other people marry makes me a touch jealous. The new pics are of my school, my town, my house, the wedding, etc. Enjoy.

Thank you all, and I hope to hear from you soon. Have a great Thanksgiving.
Love,
Nick.


PS….if anyone has the desire to overnight a pumpkin pie and some whipped cream to Kazakhstan…I know a guy who’s blog you just read who would love one.



“He had learned still another new and comforting truth-that there is nothing in the world to be dreaded. He had learned that just as there is no condition in which man can be happy and entirely free, so there is no condition in which he need be unhappy and not free. He has learned that suffering and freedom both have their limits and that these limits are soon reached. The harder his condition became and the more grim the future, the more independent of that condition in which he found himself were the joyful and comforting thoughts, memories, and fantasies that came to him”

Every once in a whlie...

The past few weeks since I have written have been the most unique experiences of my life and made me realize sometimes where I am and what I am doing, I forget often. On Halloween was the swearing in ceremony, where we took the Peace Corps oath and officially became Peace Corps volunteers. The only time I had seen a PC swearing in ceremony was in a movie that I think Jack Black was in, and I am pretty sure it involved walking on hot coals and a bunch of other stuff that unfortunately did not happen. Instead, we had to sing the Kazakhstan national anthem (as a group thankfully) and hear a mediocre speech by the US ambassador to Kazakhstan, I was impressed that he was once a PCV in Africa, teaching English, but not so much by the speech. Most of the new volunteers left right after the ceremony, but because my train ran less frequently I did not leave until the following day. My first Halloween in Kazakhstan was spent with many beers, good company, and anxiety about the days to come.
On Sunday a boarded the train to Shubarkuduk from Almaty, a 43 hour train ride I made completely unaccompanied. I could try to sugar coat this but honestly….the train ride was as close to hell as I have ever felt in my life. I basically went the distance from Atlanta to Utah on a train, with virtually nothing to look at out the window. I saw about 4 wild camels once. Kazakhstan is one of the bigger countries on the planet, but has a population of only 16 million; most of the central part is uninhabited. Every once in a while it really hits me that I am in Kazakhstan, completely on my own, living a way I never could have imagined, and that I am doing fine. It’s a pretty unreal feeling.
The people on the train were an interesting mix of families, drunks, and liars. In my room (coupe) as they are called, there were 4 bunks. I had 2 bunks to myself because of all of my luggage. There was also a woman and her 4 year old child in my room, as well as about a 50 year old man, who I detested. He snored incessantly, drank constantly, and tried to give the woman (who was clearly married) a kiss. He always had other men in the room who would ask me to play guitar for them, and eat fish in our room. I definitely watched myself around him, and slept with my knife. More than once I wished he would somehow fall off the train, get sucked out the window, or get off sometime soon. After a long 2 days, I arrived at my village around 8 AM Tuesday morning.
I had the school’s van come pick me up at the train station; my bags were taken from me (I was told not to carry them by the locals). I slept most of the day Tuesday, got a nice banya (outdoor bathhouse) at my counterpart’s house and ate. I will say that my counterpart’s bathhouse is easily the nicest bathhouse I have been in while in Kazakhstan, (I’ve only been in 3, but this is top of the line…..seriously). I more or less was treated like a diplomat on Tuesday. This was a more than surreal moment where my current situation was starting to be processed somewhere in the higher parts of my brain.
That evening I met my schools director, Didar, who seemed very disappointed that I know very little Kazakh, and studied Russian instead. Because my school is a Kazakh school, everyone is very upset that I know about 10 phrases in Kazakh, and can maybe count to 50 on a good day. Everyone understands Russian, but like any country they take an enormous amount of pride in their language and wish I knew it. I will make an honest effort to learn Kazakh and Russian.
On Wednesday I was asked to speak in Russian to the staff of my school…about 40 teachers. I sat on the stage of their auditorium and spoke about myself, my family, the weather in America…pretty much any crutch I can lean on that has been spoon fed to me in the language. At this moment I remember saying to myself “Holy shit, am I really doing this right now?” (Sorry, I know people’s grandmothers and employers read this).
As far as the school goes, it is pretty much top of the line. They have a lot of resources, an experienced staff, and seem to really be on top of the ball Also, my school teaches Turkish and Arabic, I would love to sit in on a few of those classes as well. Almost makes me wonder how needed I am here.
Later that day I arrived at my new host family’s house. It is a very nice home with a big family. They have 3 children, a young boy and girl, and a girl in 10th grade. Also the grandmother and grandfather live there as well. They are more than friendly and understanding that they basically have accepted another toddler into their home with me. I have been given a little guest house not attached to the main house, it has 2 rooms and gives me a lot of privacy. It’s great. I will definitely be able to play music a lot, and just in general feel like I can be myself a little more.
Honestly I feel guilty with how well I have been treated. I know we are supposed to “live as the locals do” but it is almost impossible once PC spreads their “This is what a typical American is like/ A Happy Volunteer is a Productive Volunteer”, obviously those benefit me greatly, and I appreciate it, but I feel almost too well taken care of. I was expecting a leaky roof, maybe no running water, no electric every once in a while, but I have none of those obstacles. I didn’t expect to be able to “live as an American does” while being here, I didn’t want to. After all, I did leave America.
My counterpart has CNN at her house, this really isn’t roughing it. I feel like the people in my village are going above and beyond to accommodate me, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I would like to be treated like everyone else. I explained to my host family I will shower 2-3 times a week like everyone else, but they would prefer I shower everyday “like Americans do”…who knows. Tomorrow is Friday and the school is closed, I obviously have no weekend plans…maybe a Charlie Brown marathon, Thomas Pynchon, and 6 strings.
On another quick note…this blogging stuff makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I would rather not talk about myself/what I am going through all the time. You know, everyone is going through something right now…I know that. This is just my job; maybe it is a little unique, but I think there is something like 8,000 current Peace Corps volunteers in the world. Everyone has something I would appreciate hearing. If you had crappy day at work, or got pulled over for speeding, or dropped your cell phone in a puddle, or whatever, I can still relate to that too. Please don’t think this is all I think about in Kazakhstan. I miss everyone a great deal, and honestly any correspondence you have with me is not futility, I will enjoy it, appreciate it, and respond. (Hope that doesn’t sound desperate).

One more thing…..F**k the New York Yankees.

Love all of you,
Nick

Counterpart Conference week

Finally back home after a long week of counterpart conferences in Almaty, certainly glad it’s over, swearing in and site departure are a week away. It was somewhat comforting to meet my counterpart, but very difficult at times working with her throughout the conference. She was more than friendly, approachable, excited to work together, and cooperative, but at times I felt like I had to pull her through every activity of every workshop in the conference. When our country director gave a speech she asked me if he was George Bush….I had to do my best not to burst into laughter on the spot…but later did. It seems like people in Kazakhstan are under the impression that George Bush is all powerful, can be in multiple places at once, and has some sort of weird divine right where he will always be in one way or another, in power….thankfully not the case.
Maybe because this is the first time she has worked with a PCV she still seems very unclear about some of the procedures, rules, and things that PC wants us to follow. At the same time she is very receptive to new ideas, is very accommodating (she made coffee for me at every break), and pleasant to work with. I think this assignment will require me to be much more assertive, decisive, and confident in my own actions. I believe it will definitely give me much more free range than many of the other volunteers, especially those who are working with a teacher who is on their 4th or 5th volunteer, will have.
Another comforting aspect of this assignment is even if I only get from 1% to 2% towards the right direction it will still be progress (in fact double the amount of progress in my example). I think I may have to settle for lesser end goals (Originally when I imagined this two years I thought my students would be able to read Alexander Dumas or something by the end of my time here….now I am hopefully going to get at least to Curious George, either way it is progress despite how small it could be.
I have also gotten host family information about my choices for who I will be staying with for the first 6 months at my permanent site. Family A is a single 51 year old business owner in a 2 bedroom apartment, Family B lives in a supposedly big two story house with 3 children under 9 years old, and a dog. Right now I am leaning towards living with the older woman, but will have to wait and see.
Being in Almaty was entertaining, the one evening Chris and I went ate at a Chinese restaurant which was easily the best meal I can remember having in a long time, but if I had ordered in at home would of thought it was sub-par……. funny how perspective changes everything. I know I will not be getting that type of food for quite some time (Maybe March at the next round of conferences?). Rooming with Chris was awesome; we had a blast with a few of the other volunteers.
Chris and I definitely have a good friendship and are able to talk about things outside of our Peace Corps day to days. In one of our conversations Samuel Dalambert, came up somehow…first time I thought of him since being in Kazakhstan. Upon thinking of Samuel Dalambert and his sub par basketball skills I became humored, sickened, nostalgic, frustrated, and a touch homesick.
The reality is pre service training has been a very unrealistic representation of what life in the Peace Corps is usually like (especially with me being about 5 hours away from the closest Americans). At times I am sure the road (and especially 2 day train ride alone to site) will be very unsettling, uneasy, and lonesome. I am positive this winter will be one of the more difficult experiences of my life, but am accepting it as a challenge, and ultimately something I know I can do. I know at times not being able to communicate will be difficult, the sun only being up for about 6 hours a day might bring out The Shining in me, but I think that with the right attitude, mindset, and perspective I will be fine.
One a few other random tangents………If you were planning on sending me any letters or packages…DO NOT SEND THEM TO THE ADDRESS I GAVE OUT…I am moving next week……...I hope the Phillies repeat and will definitely introduce my class to the concept of a hopeful two World Championships in a row. I have posted a few random pictures from the conference certificate, my PC ID card, and some other good pictures in general from my trip thus far.
One more thing…………HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY AND MATT…I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU ANDWISH I WERE THERE.
Love and miss everyone, and would like to thank anyone who feels at all compelled to read this, please be in touch with me

“Meanwhile life-real everyday life, with its essential concerns of health and sickness, toil and rest, and its intellectual preoccupations with thought, science, poetry, music, love, friendship, hatred, passions-went on as usual, independent and apart from all potential reforms.”

Last Day of School (kind of)

Hello..hope all is well. The week is officially over and the brunt end of Pre Service Training is as well. The next two weeks will hopefully be a breeze (and have a much lighter schedule) than the past 8 have. My work at the school is done, as we had our last class on Saturday. The students turnend in their projects about Kazakhstan, and did a great job, I was really impressed with how hard they worked and how well they were able to describe their country in English. The students were definitely more hardworking, motivated, and gifted than I had imagined they would have been. I am a little reluctant and saddened to be leaving them for new studnets who may not have the same attitude about school (especially since they have never worked with a Peace Corps Volunteer before).
My Russian test was also this week, I think I did fairly well. I will probably score a novice high score, rather than the Intermediate Low score I really wanted, but I guess I will have just a bigger jump to make later. I got really frustrated during the test because the woman asked me to describe the rules of Jeopardy in russian (which clearly I am not able to do) and I told her that during the test, but she insisted I could. Also, she asked me inane things like what are my favorite books to read and who are my favorite authors..NOT the stuff about my previous work experience, family, daily routine, goals of peace corps, or any of the things that I was actually taught to say in Russian. Anyway, the test has no bearing on anything so I should not get so worked up about it.
This coming week we will be in Almaty for a few days to meet our counterpart for the next 2 years. I am VERY unsure about what that situation will be like, I just hope for good luck with my counterpart. I do not have any idea of what this person will be like to work with, what their attitude will be towards me, or what their expectations are of me. Honestly working with them for 3 days in PC's setting will probably not give me any better of an indication of them either...it will not come until I am actually in my village, working with that person everyday.

Hopefully while I am in Almaty I will also be able to get my laptop out of customs in Kazakhstan where it is currently being held (to my disdain).

Recently my host family has been treating me as far less of an outsider...I am now allowed to drink at the family gatherings, make jokes, I watch tv with them pretty regularly (tv is NOT censored at all here either) and just in general feel more at home with them. They definitely have never seen Microwaveable Easy Mac before which is interesting trying to explain to them, also they still think that me walking in the house barefoot will cause me to be sterile for some reason, and they blame when I am sick on that fact that I drink cold water (I have to sit there and not laugh for that...which is the most difficult part). I would love to know how strange they think I must be.

Anyway once I get to my permanent site around the 3rd of November I will hopefully have a computer, and be buying an internent connection in my host family's house (unless one of them already has it in which case......get ready for me host family!!!). Point being I would like to keep a much more descriptive, regular blog, with more pictures, and more stories. Hopefully this will be possible with regular internet access. Also I would like to make this blog look alot more interesting than it currently does, just do not feel like messing with those things in a crowded, expensive internent cafe.

frightening

Today I witnessed easily one of the most unsettling things ever. I was in between classes at my school, enjoying some fresh air when suddenly I heard a girl screaming. I had no idea what was happening but figured it was high school drama. When I turn around I saw four clearly older guys carrying this girl out of the schoo1, 1 had a knife and cut the principal of my school on the hand in the struggle. They held the door shut from the outside baracading the principal and the other students inthe school. The principal and a bunch of the older male students were trying to fight off the 4 men but it was futility. Chris (one of the other Volunteers) and I both just watched te entire episode in total shock and confusion the whole thing could not have been more than 2 minutes. At one point a took a step forward out of curiousity when I heard Chris say "that guy has a knife" which made me freeze. I feel awful that nothing was done on my part, truly. Unfortunatley 3 of the guys ended up carrying the girl away screaming, kicking, and yelling help. The police were called, the director was taken into an ambulance, and I can not imagine what could be happening to the girl right now. I have felt this bad few times in my life. Also, when I asked my counterpart if class was still on for the day...she said of course, as though nothing had happened. So I still have to teach 2 classes for the day, the first of which starts in about 15 minutes. I feel like my English lesson couldn't have less importance than it does today, and in juxtaposition to what I just witnessed I know it doesn't at all.

Site Announcement Day

The words mentioned above are probably the most anxiety causing days in the life of any Peace Corps Trainee, this is easily the most important day of the life of any Peace Corps Volunteer (so they say). All of pre service training had been leading up to this occasion where we will find out where we will actually all be working for the next 2 years. The announcements were done in an auditorium with the slowest power point presentation I have ever witnessed (intentionally obviously) while oblast by oblast (think states in the US) they announced where all of us will be working individually, when your name was called you were to stand up, receive your chocolate bar and apple, and quickly sit back down so the next poor soul could be alleviated of their anxiety by knowing their permanent placement. I think there are about 7 oblasts that PCV's work in while serving in Kazakhstan...my oblast was the 6th one announced. After seeing friend by friend be assigned to different oblasts, I began to get increasingly less optimistic about what my permanent site would be. Finally...it was announced...the Aktobe region of Kazakhstan....along the Russian boarder, in the north, above the Caspian Sea. I am 4 hours away from the city of Aktobe...which is the nearest PCV to me...who happens to be a married couple...you can guess how excited I am about my placement. Also, I am a 45 hour train ride from Almaty.
My site is also a pioneer site...meaning no other PCV has ever worked in the school, or town I will be in. This town (of 13,000 people..ugh) has never had an American working in their school.
Amongst PCVs having a pioneer site is supposed to be a comment on the PCVs supposed character, determination, ability, being very far from any other volunteers is supposed to be PC's vote of confidence in your strength. I have very mixed feelings about this situation.
I will say I am extremely proud of the fact that PC believed me capable of handling such an amount of obstacles. Apparently my counterpart at my current school spoke of my teaching ability highly, and PC staff felt I was determined, strong...yada yada yada...but I still cant help but feel sorry for myself somewhat, especially seeing some of the other cool placements my friends have gotten. One of my friends, Andrew, is in my oblast..but there are only 5 people in my oblast in general. Will definitely be spending alot of time alone in the coming months. Please be sure to send me all of the longest books that I have never read but always wanted to....(Great Expectations...would be a welcomed Christmas present). Anyway, thank you all for reading and please do not feel sorry for me in any way imaginable. I will be fine and always have been.

"the only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keeping on"

this is the most i've listened to steely dan in my life

Hello everyone. Sorry agian for not posting in such a long time. I wanted to thank everyone for their love, support, respect, and friendship. I would also like to apologize fr writing such worrisome things last time, I realize that is doing a disservice to anyone who reads this and will save those for private conversations or keep them to myself in the future.
The past 2 weeks have been extremely busy and I have had very little downtime. I have been teaching 4 english classes a week (usually 5th 6th and 7th graders), observing my fellow PCV's lessons, taking russian class for 4 hours a day, running and english club at the school, and doing a community project..sigh. Often, email time takes a back seat...thigns should slow down considerably around halloween.
We will find out where our permanent sites will be on Friday evening, everyone is anxious and it seems to be all anyone talks about as of late. I have the feeling I will be sent to southern kazakhstan because all of my observers of classes have been from southern kazakhstan, but that is just speculation. The south has its advantages and disadvantages just like everything else. The southern part of the country is known to be a little more wild west like....where assaults are a little more common, maybe just a little more lawlessness in general is more common, but on the plus side it will be much warmer there than the far north which averages about 15 below in the winter.
My obervations by my peers and PC have been coming back very well. I am usually praised for my ability as a teacher, which is very encouraging, espeically since i feel very deficient in Russian. We have our language test next week, where we will judged on our speaking ability. No one gets sent home for a bad score, its almost all a matter of pride, but no one wants to be a novice level language speaker.
For the most part I am enjoying teaching, and think I do a good job. It has been difficult because the 2 textbooks I teach out of are from 1978 and 1983 (Soviet Era) so many of the English tasks revolve around talking about how Britain's government does not defend the working class..sometimes I dont know if I should laugh or throw the books away. I have pictures below of what is actually in some of the books, you should click on them and read it (especially the how patriotic are you quiz)..always a good laugh. Generally, I try to avoid the books lesson as much as possible and use my creativity to come up with a lesson that might be more about vocabulary, phrases, and grammar that are more important to thier speaking ability than dicussions of British parliament. The visual aids you see below were on a lesson about traveling and compleltey killed my saturday night a few weeks ago, but were worth it because PC, my teaching counterpart, and the other volunteers could not believe how well made they were and how effective they were in the classroom.
This past weekend as particularly interesting. It was a holiday for the teachers and my host Mom got gifts of chocolate, flowers and a cordless telephone (Why??!) for the house. The cordless telphone is only in english and I have had to set it up, and wait while they picked the best ring tone and volume for it...then I got lucky enough to have its permanent location be decided as my room. For the first 2 days after they got it I could not enter the house without being asked to look at it, add information into it, or why it didnt work. Sunday morning my mom and a bunch of her teacher friends were in my house drinking vodka, singing and playing the dombra and had finished an entire bottle by 9 Am. I have never seen anything like it. I have been noticing many more oddities like this and will keep many of them for private stories after I get back.
Pretty excited to see the phils in the playoffs again and wish i was there.
one more thing....HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM


i love and miss all of you,
nick

Some new teaching pictures

struggling

I believe its been almost a fortnight since have last posted, i apologize, but am sure no one is losing sleep over my lack of correspondence....i wonder if anyone has even noticed. the past week was awfully busy between teaching classes, observing classes, conducting an english club, and still trying to learn the necessary language and technical training. as a treat to the trainees PC took us on a hike to a waterfall on Friday,for the first time in almost a month we got to see all of the other village's volunteers. The hike was an incredible amount of fun and the views were breathtaking. My 5x optical zoom camera definitely does the scenery a disservice. It was encouraging to see some of my friends who i have been unable to communicate with since we first got to Almaty. Rhamadan is ending in the next few days, which is causing many visitors at my host family's apartment, and me being forced to eat and drink tea much more than I'd like to, for these reasons and much more I am beginning to find myself struggling while in kazakhstan for the first real time.

minus about 3-5 volunteers, I have been having difficulty coming across what I believe to be genuine conversation. Much of my conversation with anyone is just about PC and humorous stories, unsual experiences...etc. I would say if it weren't for John, the volunteer who just got done serving in Romania about 8 months ago, I would feel much more discontent. John and I discuss folk music, authors,world views, and do so on a an equal level even though he is 10 years older than I am and has already been through Peace Corps service once. A handful of the volunteers I have ran into thus far seem incredibly insecure and feel the need to remind others of reasons why they are smarter, more worldly,more determined, superior, or politically correct than the rest.

I have felt like I need to justify my reasons for being in a long distance committed relationship to many of the volunteers and they look at me differently because of it. I also feel very much bossed around by some of the other volunteers, and told to eat more, or not take a taxi to school today, or whatever the minute detail may be that I am apparently doing wrong.

Not to mention the intensified microscope/scrutiny I find myself under on the home front. I was under the impression certain people held better opinions of me than it turns out they may. Ultimately I realize I am not able to please everybody, but at this moment I feel like I am pleasing no one. I understand to that I have put myself in all mentioned positions and am by no means trying to blame anyone else for my difficult situations. My guitar and Leo Tolstoy have been my saving graces this week. Ps....new pictures are posted below.

Thank You

"i try so hard to be just like i am, but every body wants you to be just like them"
-bob zimmerman

teaching/hike pics 9/20

Almaty 3.0

Be sure to check out the pictures below. At least two of them are not from what I will be talking about so just ignore if possible. This past weekend all the volunteers went to Almaty, the largest city in Kazakhstan. My village is about an hour bus ride outside of the city. Almaty was formerly the capital but now the capital has been relocated to Astana. History lesson aside it was definitely an adventure. The city has a large population, all the commotion, and pollution you would expect in any major city. Many of the volunteers had a tough time breathing in any of the air because it was so polluted. However, Almaty does have the only real coffee shops in Kazakhstan so we were all pumped to finally get a real cup of coffee.
We got to visit the famous Mosque and Russian Orthodox church in Almaty. It was the first time I had ever been in a mosque and was an experience I will never forget and likely never be able to have again. The mosque was a gorgeous building on the outside and in (pictures of the facade are below). Check some of the other volunteers' blogs for pictures of the inside if you want to see...I thought it was insensitive to take pictures inside the mosque because people were worshipping while we were inside. The Russian Orthodox church was even more beautiful, the picture is below, its the yellow building. Supposedly it is a completely wooden building that was built without using a nail. I dont know much about architecture, but I don't know if that's possible. The inside of the building was had gold and gorgeous paintings everywhere...definitely a sight to see.
My favorite part of Almaty was the WW1 and WW2 tribute statue and eternal flame that I was able to get some pictures of. Also there were about 3 couples getting wedding photos taken infront of the statue which was pretty special too. One of the couples had doves in a cage and released them while we were taking pictures. Seeing such a sight was lasting.
This week with class has been the same old routine. I actually start teaching in front of a class room next week, which is frightening/exciting at the same time. The teacher I will be working with seems to be a good mentor for me for the time being though. I have found out a really interesting situation about my family dynamic for all of you who have been asking about my host family. Last evening I asked what the situation with Norbul's father was and was told that my host mom is actually his aunt. Both of his parent's have apparently passed away when he was 1, but he has no idea...so this woman who is his aunt, is raising him as her own. It only took me 3 weeks to discover that and I felt awful and shocked to hear the unsettling news. Sorry to end on such a down note, but lunch break is over.

Almaty 2.0

Almaty

I forgot the pictures

sorry everyone..i talked about the pictures then forgot to upload them.

Its alright ma

greetings from the best internet cafe in Issyk, Kazakhstan again. It has been pouring rain off and on all day here and I am not brave enough to walk the 45 mintues quite yet, so I decided to post on the blog. I have lots of new pictures and got to be a part of some pretty incredible cultural activities the past few days. Sunday was constitution day in Kazakhstan which, meant an enormous parade, lots of music, dancing, drinking, and other festivities. I have a million pictures of me with my host mom and a bunch of her friends (none of which I know). I never felt tall in my life until I moved to Kazakhstan....I suppose thats good for the ol' ego. Also, today was the first day of school Kazakhstan, which is celebrated with a "Ringing of the Bell" ceremony. Myself and all the other volunteers had to introduce ourselves in front of the entire school, which was a bit nerveracking. It fairly simple, just our names, state, and ages..we all speak about pre-kindergarten level Russian at this point. It was funny because after the introductions the Principal/Owner of the school said in Russian roughly "That's great we have so many volunteers from California, that is a rich state, that is where George Bush lives". Anyway, enjoy the pictures, I miss you all and hopefully will have really good news shortly...I am patiently waiting for a few things. More will follow soon.

karass

I dont want to just throw pictures on the internet without any explination! anyway we are officially 10% through our pre service training (PST as its called peace corps loves acronyms). So far in 1 week of class we have had something like 18 hours of language class, 3 hours of medical class, a class on how to do our laundry...which was actually incredibly difficult, etiquitte/culture class for a few hours, community development project classes, etc. Needless to say I believe all the otheк volunteers heads are spinning as well. it is now saturday afternoon after class and we have all day sunday also. sorry i sound so incredibly anxious when i write generally but these computers' windows' programs are all in russian and really hard to understand, also the only internet access i have is in the internet cafe, which isnt cheap. my host family is still incredibly friendly, hospitable, and helpful with me. my host mom aтв litte brother walked everywhere with me the first week, which is nice because my walk to school everyday is 45 minutes each way. my host mom is a really good cook, and always cooks without meat, i feel spoiled here honesty. my mom also helps me with russian homework everyday even though i know that must be very frustrating for her. anyway so these photos are of one of the really busy streets in my village and there is a guy walking a few cows down the road...i dont think he was happy i took his picture but i couldnt exactly understand what he said. i tried to explain to him i had never seen that before but i dont think it quite came across. the notebook with the little girl is standard issue peace corps notebooks...for some reason all the volunteers got books like that. (i dont know). the bottle of milk with the horse on it is called "koo miss" as you could probably guess it is horse milk...and you probably could not guess it is carbonated and tastes like a mix of salt, kind of sour milk, and beer. i have a video of my reaction to drinking it which is pretty priceless but i cant upload it just yet. lastly you might see a bunch of cow heads in a trash can...that was at a butcher shop at the bazaaк today. the kazakhs thought it was pretty funny that all the americans were taking pictures of that. being an american here is kind of like living in a fish bowl you always hear "ameri key ameri key" anytime you walk anywhere. the neighborhood kids always come up to me and say "hello" and that is the extent of our conversation in english. you feel like half a rock star half a side show. other than that all is well i appreciate your interest and hope you are all doing well. please email me, i promise even if i only respond with 2 sentences i love getting email. i have never been in a situation where i looked forward to getting mail (or email ) so much. thank you all for your love support and interest. till next time.

more pics

In Country

hello everyone (all 12 of you)

just wanted to put some pictures up. things here have been incredibly hard but rewarding i am currently in class about 8 hours a day 6 days a week. my host family is incredibly nice to me, and we have indoor bathroom and shower...which is awesome!! peace corps definitely scared me pretty well before we got to our host family's house, so i didn't expect indoor plumbing. my little brother, Norbul, plays the national instrument, the dombra, and is exceptional. Thanks to yours truly he also knows led zeppelin, jumpin jack flash, and bob marley on the dombra. you see the one picture is us playing on our instruments together, which has thus far been my favorite part of kazakhstan. that mountain range in the picture is breathtaking and i have an awesome view from outside of my balcony. these are only a small amount of pics that i have taken but I am in an internet cafe and cant spend all day doing this because it will cost me a fortune. I hope you enjoy. I love you all and miss you more than i ever could have anticipated. Thank you for all of your support, positive encouragement and continued love.

nick

in country

in country

thank you

sitting in DC hotel room, less than 2 hours from staging (which will likely take all day). With staging being so close and me still needing to shower and get ready to meet my fellow PCVs in a few minutes I will be forced to make this brief, which is not exactly what I am known for. I wanted to thank anyone who I have possibly spoken with, spent time with, or given me any form of encouragement over the years. You have all been incredibly great to me. Sometimes, particularly the first monotonous year after college, I felt like I did not particularly matter to a whole lot of folks. The past 3 months or so has given me much more perspective on just how much encouragement and support I have from everyone around me. I'm sure in the next few months I will get lonely, but its great piece of mind to know how wonderful of a support system I have. I feel that I am not just accountable to the people I will be serving, my Peace Corps bosses/colleges, myself, but also every single person who has wished me the best, encouraged me, given me the time of day, asked questions, or just listened. I can not recall a time in my life where I felt so cared for, its a great feeling, and chances are if you are reading this you have something to do with that. Thank You.
Love,
Nick

DISCLAIMER

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG ARE OF MY OPINION AND DO NOT REPRESENT THE VIEWS OF THE PEACE CORPS OR THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

props

2nd post (woo hoo!)

anyway i wanted to include this in the last post, and wasn't familiar enough with the site to be able to do this.

below is a link to my friend greg raspanti's blog. he is currently doing peace corps in Muldova as a health instructor, and before that he was fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to be one of my roommates in college. he and his family are easily some of my favorite people on the planet, among the nicest, funniest, most personable people i have ever met. he has been in muldova over a month now and deserves much more recognition for the work he is doing than i do at this point. please read his blog and view his pictures if you get the chance...it's good stuff.

http://gregraspanti.blogspot.com/

Those who authentically commit themselves to the people must re-evaluate themselves constantly

This is my first attempt ever at blogging, and I typically shy away from any social networking type of website, but I suppose eventually one must bend, or slightly adjust, their convictions. I will be posting on here from time to time in an attempt to give more insight on some of the things I will be experiencing, to stay in touch with everyone, and to hopefully generate some interest in volunteering. I believe I am able to put pictures on here, and will get a better understanding of how the site works so that I may make it interesting/worth visiting. Please give me any suggestions, advice, or criticisms.