every time you think you're talking you're just moving your mouth

If any post is likely to get me in trouble with PC, it’s this one. I’ve been sick the past few days and told to stay at home until next Monday. When I was going to the school earlier this week, as many as half the kids were absent anyway; it seems everyone is sick in my town right now.
Free time is something that I’ve had an awful lot of since coming to my site, but the past few days have been an inordinate amount of free time. Having nothing to do does not make the days go by any faster, make me feel very useful, and gives me entirely too much time to ask myself what the hell I’m doing.
I find myself getting more and more frustrated with situations in my village and the culture. Yesterday I was buying apple juice at a shop, the bottle had a price tag on it saying 280 tenge, but when I tried to buy it the woman tried charging me 350 instead. When I asked her why did the price increase she said “because of the bottle”. I was so pissed off I had to walk out of the store. Today, at a different store after buying a bottle of apple juice, a woman gave me matches for change! I don’t want matches, I want my change. I wanted to throw the bottle back over the counter, get my money back, and then get a Twix bar for free, I was irate. I couldn’t believe it.
Another part of my experience so far that is frustrating is the fact that everyone at my school insists on speaking Kazakh to me, when they know I can understand Russian. This annoys me mostly because I've already spent a lot of time learning Russian, and because they can all speak Russian ! By them choosing to only speak to me in Kazakh they are choosing their pride over communicating with me, in my opinion. I think communication is important to do a job well, I feel like they should be more concerned with speaking with me rather than what language it's done in. I should also thank PC for sending me to an all Kazakh village when they knew I studied Russian in PST.
I am approaching my 100th day in Kazakhstan, and at this point feel comfortable enough to make generalizations about the culture that bother me. First, let me say the people are incredibly friendly here, they always say “Hello” and “How are you?” to me. They are hospitable, and I think they like me, and are glad I am here. That being said, I have rarely experienced someone here being kind or helpful. I was locked out of my class room at the school last week, and at least 4 teachers passed me and said “It’s locked”. Obviously, I knew that. When I asked who might be able to unlock it or who had the key, conveniently enough no one knew. I tried imagining if I were teaching in the States and had a Russian guy teaching at our school and he was obviously in need of a hand, what I would do, and know that it wouldn’t look like that.
Maybe the problem is me and my perception of things, and maybe I’m the one who does not understand some aspects of the culture that I should. I knew there were aspects of the culture I would have to learn to accept, but I thought that would be more work related.
That is a picture of the map of the world in my class room. Some days I look at it and want to laugh, other times I want to cry. According to that map, Kazakhstan is the only country in Asia, there is no such thing as Europe, and Belize, Mexico, Panama, Nicaragua, Guatemala, and Honduras are part of the US.

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving, and one thing I don't miss about America is black Friday.


Love
Nick


"We artists are indestructible, even in a prison cell or a concentration camp I would be almighty in my own world of art. Even if I had to paint pictures with my wet tongue on the dusty floor of my cell"
Pablo Picasso

If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do……..

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young’s Déjà vu is one of the best records of all time.

I find myself usually apologizing at some point in every blog post, but this time I am sorry for not having posted sooner, my family’s internet has been done for over a week. My school has internet, which I have used a few times, but what usually happens is I wait for half an hour while another teacher uses Instant Messenger to probably talk to someone who lives in the same town, then I get on line for about 5 minutes and at least one or two teachers end up crowding around me while I am on the computer, and ask me everything I am looking up, and watch me write emails. It makes me uncomfortable. Respecting one’s personal space isn’t exactly the same in America as it is in Kazakhstan. (Don’t Touch Me!!). Anyway, I realize this could be something I just have to get accustomed to. I think the list of those things is only going to grow for the time being. I’ve gotten my teaching schedule and will be teaching grades 5th through 10th (schools here only go to 11th grade).
Now that I am settling in a little more, and getting more used to the situation I am in, and realizing that things take TIME, I am beginning to feel a little better. This past week has been really difficult because I am still “observing” Akmaral teach lessons, I have lost my wallet, my school will not give my copies of the textbooks, and even the absolute BEST English speakers I have access to still don’t understand what I am saying most of the time.
Still observing Akmaral teach is difficult, because I see openings that I could have and more or less have to sit there, and watch them close. Things are basically spoon fed to the students, and often directly translated for them. The majority of even the upper level English classes are taught in Kazakh. This is something I plan on changing when given the opportunity, but for now have to learn to deal with.
Not having a wallet is scarier from the lack of “emergency” money standpoint than I am afraid of people using my credit cards (I have never seen anyone pay for anything with a credit card here). The thing that is scary is now the only money I have access to is about $300 cash I keep in my house. I have not lost my Peace Corps debit card, so I will still be able to get my living allowances, but that is all. It’s not a disaster, and I am over the initial feeling of loss.
Not having someone to communicate with in my community has been really difficult. My counterpart and some of the other teachers speak English fairly well, but there are still a ton of concepts I can not explain to anyone. Obviously it goes both ways, I should know their languages better too. The other thing that is difficult about my town, is there is very little to do/look forward to doing. On weekends I basically read, watch movies on my computer, and play guitar. There are no museums, sights, or really anything cultural for me to look forward to or experience on the weekends, which is frustrating. The situations which frustrate me are basically endless, but I am trying to shake them off.
Apparently in my school there is a thing called “duty”, basically where each teacher is a hall safety for some period of time throughout the week. On my first real day of school one of the assistant principles decided that my day should be Fridays from 3:00 until 6:30, (my last class ends at 12:30 Fridays, so this struck me as total tripe). As it was explained to me by Akmaral, my job was to stand out in the hallway between bells from 3-6 and make sure the students behaved, which I did. Apparently though, there was more to that, which I did not know. Later in the day, the same assistant principle came to me visibly mad with a notebook.
She then talked to me in incredibly fast Russian and tried to make me look like a jackass in front of the students, other teachers, and janitors, by pretending to kick plans on our stairwell, and keeping asking me “Ponul?” (Understood? in Russian). Not knowing a better thing to do I began to speak to her in English as fast as I possibly could (even though she speaks no English) to emphasize a point. Later, when I cooled down I laughed that I replied to her in English.

After being frustrated I called Peace Corps, and guess what my school is no longer going to ask me to do on Friday evenings…..thank you for confusing the words “Volunteer” and “Slave”, school.

At first I was reluctant about that situation and getting PC involved, but it was the right thing to do. I don’t want my school to think anytime something doesn’t go my way I will call PC, but I do want them to realize that there are things I am there to do and a lot of things I am not there to do. It was good to put my foot down and will prevent me from being walked on in the future. I am more than willing to have an after school club or something beneficial to the students at that time on Fridays, but I’m not going to watch their hallways because someone else wants Friday evenings off.
Saturday I was invited to a teacher’s son’s wedding. I was pretty excited because I had never been to a Kazakh wedding (or really even that many American weddings). It an experience and definitely the type of moment that makes me realize where I am once again. The evening had a mix of Kazakh traditions where the bride is brought in the room with her face covered and people sing to her, give her money, and pick her up and put her down a few times. At one point a 60 year old Kazakh woman said to me “I love you.” I didn’t know how to react; I think it is probably one of 3 English phrases she knows.
After the eating, each table is called up to a microphone to wish the newly married couple well. Each person from every table is expected to say something. When my table was called I saw a slight grin on each of the 200 people’s faces in the room. I even heard the Emcee say something like ‘Oh, this is the table with the American.” I knew this was my time to do something. As expected, I was passed the microphone last of anyone seated at my table. Once in hand I said the name of the bride and groom paused for a second or two for effect and said “Be Happy” in Kazakh. I have never heard more people go crazy for someone only saying 4 words. The wedding was very nice, I couldn’t help but feeling happy for these people, even though I had never met them. I was thankful for being invited to their wedding, and excited for all the hopefully great things they will get to do together in their lifetimes. On the other hand, I was regretful that Abby is on the other side of the world while I do this, and honestly….I want to have our wedding soon, so watching other people marry makes me a touch jealous. The new pics are of my school, my town, my house, the wedding, etc. Enjoy.

Thank you all, and I hope to hear from you soon. Have a great Thanksgiving.
Love,
Nick.


PS….if anyone has the desire to overnight a pumpkin pie and some whipped cream to Kazakhstan…I know a guy who’s blog you just read who would love one.



“He had learned still another new and comforting truth-that there is nothing in the world to be dreaded. He had learned that just as there is no condition in which man can be happy and entirely free, so there is no condition in which he need be unhappy and not free. He has learned that suffering and freedom both have their limits and that these limits are soon reached. The harder his condition became and the more grim the future, the more independent of that condition in which he found himself were the joyful and comforting thoughts, memories, and fantasies that came to him”

Every once in a whlie...

The past few weeks since I have written have been the most unique experiences of my life and made me realize sometimes where I am and what I am doing, I forget often. On Halloween was the swearing in ceremony, where we took the Peace Corps oath and officially became Peace Corps volunteers. The only time I had seen a PC swearing in ceremony was in a movie that I think Jack Black was in, and I am pretty sure it involved walking on hot coals and a bunch of other stuff that unfortunately did not happen. Instead, we had to sing the Kazakhstan national anthem (as a group thankfully) and hear a mediocre speech by the US ambassador to Kazakhstan, I was impressed that he was once a PCV in Africa, teaching English, but not so much by the speech. Most of the new volunteers left right after the ceremony, but because my train ran less frequently I did not leave until the following day. My first Halloween in Kazakhstan was spent with many beers, good company, and anxiety about the days to come.
On Sunday a boarded the train to Shubarkuduk from Almaty, a 43 hour train ride I made completely unaccompanied. I could try to sugar coat this but honestly….the train ride was as close to hell as I have ever felt in my life. I basically went the distance from Atlanta to Utah on a train, with virtually nothing to look at out the window. I saw about 4 wild camels once. Kazakhstan is one of the bigger countries on the planet, but has a population of only 16 million; most of the central part is uninhabited. Every once in a while it really hits me that I am in Kazakhstan, completely on my own, living a way I never could have imagined, and that I am doing fine. It’s a pretty unreal feeling.
The people on the train were an interesting mix of families, drunks, and liars. In my room (coupe) as they are called, there were 4 bunks. I had 2 bunks to myself because of all of my luggage. There was also a woman and her 4 year old child in my room, as well as about a 50 year old man, who I detested. He snored incessantly, drank constantly, and tried to give the woman (who was clearly married) a kiss. He always had other men in the room who would ask me to play guitar for them, and eat fish in our room. I definitely watched myself around him, and slept with my knife. More than once I wished he would somehow fall off the train, get sucked out the window, or get off sometime soon. After a long 2 days, I arrived at my village around 8 AM Tuesday morning.
I had the school’s van come pick me up at the train station; my bags were taken from me (I was told not to carry them by the locals). I slept most of the day Tuesday, got a nice banya (outdoor bathhouse) at my counterpart’s house and ate. I will say that my counterpart’s bathhouse is easily the nicest bathhouse I have been in while in Kazakhstan, (I’ve only been in 3, but this is top of the line…..seriously). I more or less was treated like a diplomat on Tuesday. This was a more than surreal moment where my current situation was starting to be processed somewhere in the higher parts of my brain.
That evening I met my schools director, Didar, who seemed very disappointed that I know very little Kazakh, and studied Russian instead. Because my school is a Kazakh school, everyone is very upset that I know about 10 phrases in Kazakh, and can maybe count to 50 on a good day. Everyone understands Russian, but like any country they take an enormous amount of pride in their language and wish I knew it. I will make an honest effort to learn Kazakh and Russian.
On Wednesday I was asked to speak in Russian to the staff of my school…about 40 teachers. I sat on the stage of their auditorium and spoke about myself, my family, the weather in America…pretty much any crutch I can lean on that has been spoon fed to me in the language. At this moment I remember saying to myself “Holy shit, am I really doing this right now?” (Sorry, I know people’s grandmothers and employers read this).
As far as the school goes, it is pretty much top of the line. They have a lot of resources, an experienced staff, and seem to really be on top of the ball Also, my school teaches Turkish and Arabic, I would love to sit in on a few of those classes as well. Almost makes me wonder how needed I am here.
Later that day I arrived at my new host family’s house. It is a very nice home with a big family. They have 3 children, a young boy and girl, and a girl in 10th grade. Also the grandmother and grandfather live there as well. They are more than friendly and understanding that they basically have accepted another toddler into their home with me. I have been given a little guest house not attached to the main house, it has 2 rooms and gives me a lot of privacy. It’s great. I will definitely be able to play music a lot, and just in general feel like I can be myself a little more.
Honestly I feel guilty with how well I have been treated. I know we are supposed to “live as the locals do” but it is almost impossible once PC spreads their “This is what a typical American is like/ A Happy Volunteer is a Productive Volunteer”, obviously those benefit me greatly, and I appreciate it, but I feel almost too well taken care of. I was expecting a leaky roof, maybe no running water, no electric every once in a while, but I have none of those obstacles. I didn’t expect to be able to “live as an American does” while being here, I didn’t want to. After all, I did leave America.
My counterpart has CNN at her house, this really isn’t roughing it. I feel like the people in my village are going above and beyond to accommodate me, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I would like to be treated like everyone else. I explained to my host family I will shower 2-3 times a week like everyone else, but they would prefer I shower everyday “like Americans do”…who knows. Tomorrow is Friday and the school is closed, I obviously have no weekend plans…maybe a Charlie Brown marathon, Thomas Pynchon, and 6 strings.
On another quick note…this blogging stuff makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I would rather not talk about myself/what I am going through all the time. You know, everyone is going through something right now…I know that. This is just my job; maybe it is a little unique, but I think there is something like 8,000 current Peace Corps volunteers in the world. Everyone has something I would appreciate hearing. If you had crappy day at work, or got pulled over for speeding, or dropped your cell phone in a puddle, or whatever, I can still relate to that too. Please don’t think this is all I think about in Kazakhstan. I miss everyone a great deal, and honestly any correspondence you have with me is not futility, I will enjoy it, appreciate it, and respond. (Hope that doesn’t sound desperate).

One more thing…..F**k the New York Yankees.

Love all of you,
Nick