this is long overdue

I apologize for not writing anything sooner. The past three weeks have been long, strange, and busy.


Anyone close enough to my situation knows that I decided to Early Terminate from the Peace Corps on the 14th of December. For anyone who didn’t know, I apologize, I should have updated sooner. More than half of me has been too reluctant to post anything till I felt nice and ready, even though the majority of this has been written for weeks. The blog will continue as I think it’s not strictly a “Nick’s in the Peace Corps blog”, but rather “Nick’s blog.”


There a variety of reasons why I decided to leave Peace Corps, in particularly Shubarkuduk, my site. Speaking as concisely as I can, I didn’t feel, happy, healthy, safe, productive, or well trained enough to continue with it. Peace Corps offered to move my site (I would assume an attempt to admit to some fault), but I’m not blaming anyone other than myself.

This post isn’t about me though. I wanted to write this to and for my friends in KAZ-21 and one friend in Moldova. Guys, I miss you all a great deal at times. Sometimes I love being back, sometimes I really regret being home, and I’m honest enough to admit that. It was nice to be home for Christmas and New Years, the absurdity of some parts of the holiday became more apparent than ever. This Christmas I felt like the strange uncle through marriage that every family has who seems get the most unassuming gifts imaginable, but what else you get a guy after he spent 6 months in a leaky boat I guess. At times, I felt and still feel that few can relate or posses the ability to even care about what you and I went/are going through. My aunt actually said to me “Where were you again?” and neither of my parents has asked to see my pictures from Kazakhstan.

Since being back, I’ve been to Christmas parties where people have never asked me a question about it but rather talked about their sneakers that make them loose weight, or needing more pillows for their new beds, and honestly it all seems hallow to me. People who I grew up with are now suggesting that I do anything from being a barber to being a male nurse, things which I can’t recall ever being interested in. I’m wishing I went to school for engineering, thinking about going to law school in the fall, maybe joining the Army or starting a band.

Right now, I am more focused on being the person I want to be than ever before. I am grown more comfortable in my own skin and hope to continue down this path. I don’t know where it will lead, but I hope it will pan out.

I have made great friends through the Peace Corps and am incredibly thankful for my time spent as a part of Kaz 21. I didn’t want to make a scene when I decided my time as a volunteer should end, so that is why I really didn’t call anyone. I didn’t want to bring down morale, discourage people, or be a burden.

Every Peace Corps volunteer is one of the most motivated, interesting, creative, daring, and intelligent, people I have ever met. With some of you I had better conversations than I have had with people who have known me since I was born. Sometimes, that would frighten me. I can think of two volunteers in particular from Kaz 21 that I am referring to.

You remain my friends and in my eyes will be forever. I hope all of you are doing well and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about Kazakhstan and Moldova and my friends who are still there. I haven’t talked to anyone too much since being back, but please don’t be afraid to get a hold of me, it would mean a lot to me. Stay warm and lay off too much vodka.



You’re all my fucking heroes.



Love,
Nick


“In this struggle of life you will find more love and you will be loved”

-Nicola Sacco